Saturday, November 26, 2005
I really wish I had more words; maybe then everything else would seem so bright, the colors would stop mixing, and I could see again. I feel left out, yet im not really left, but taken back repeatedly, every day, every hour, every silent sound I know. Why am I this lonely person in my mind when they are all around me? There must be something wrong, I think, which leads to captivate my leaking shadow, to rot the dwellings of their minds. I feel it swallowing me, every time I open my eyes; I realize just where I am, but why then does it take a second or two to remember, to recapture yesterday's picture?
People think it's "sad" and "shameful", but really, what can they know? Is this person just rebelling, and who is this person anyway? Is that me, or you? I ask too many questions, I know. It seems the spirit has shown itself, on white, blank paper suddenly, and it's not that timid anymore.
Let me sit and draw myself a falling leaf; Yes A leaf that's falling...how? It's easy, but I have to know before I start. It needs to fall together, in phase with everything surrounding me, including maybe even me. I fell, I sank inside the white, but couldn't breathe, and closed my eyes.This is the end, it's when the paint is dry and all the stores are closed, and I am tired, but still alive. Please let me stay a few more minutes, I won't be loud, I'll just blend in; Very soon you won't remember I was here. In fact, I never was.
That's wat i'm feeling now!! I never get the chance of being cloae to people. Am i so diffcult to get along with? kinda wanting to ask the pals around me but i'm afraid of the answers.
[1:48 AM]
